Boys Killing Children
Dr. Paul Dunion
One set of statistics suggests that since 2013, six adults and thirty-five children were killed in school related shootings. Twelve adults and ninety-two children have been injured due to school shootings. Other analyses have the numbers considerably higher. There have been a number of suggestions regarding how to remedy the problem. These recommendations include more law enforcement on campuses, arming teachers, gun control and better mental health services. All of these address the symptom of random killings in schools. The latter two suggestions won’t hurt the problem and likely won’t be an adequate remedy for what I call a spiritual problem.
A Spiritual Problem
A problem is a spiritual one when it relates to the core of a community and what keeps it vibrant and alive. The ancient root for the word violence is the Roman word vismeaning “vital force in Nature”. The starting point when addressing the problem may be to note that it is boys killing other children. Typically, girls don’t enter a school, and begin unloading rounds of ammunition upon their classmates. We are experiencing a major distortion regarding how to support the genuine vital force for our boys. Let’s look at some of these distortions.
The Distortions
*The Demise of Genuine Community
*No Modeling for Creative Aggression
*Teaching Boys to Become Perpetrators When Feeling Victimized
*Exposing Boys To Subtle Expressions of Violence
*Lack of Mentoring and Ritual Initiation
Healing The Vital Energy of Boys
There will be no easy fix when to this spiritual problem has such significant social, and psychological underpinnings. I believe that boys who kill their classmates are in some important ways, heralds. We need to hear them delivering an important message: We have forgotten what it means to support the vital energy of boys. We can begin by reminding ourselves what we have forgotten and address one distortion at a time.
*Restoring Real Community– Building coalitions in neighborhoods, schools and churches. Creating a Fathers Group at a high school or middle school where fathers get honest about what it means to father their sons. The sons can join the fathers periodically for either a recreational event or engaging in a social service such as Habitat for Humanity or volunteering at soup kitchen.
*Opportunities for Creative Aggression– An old definition of the word aggression is “moving forward”. Boys need to learn how to move their energy forward without taking hostages or casualties. There are plenty of opportunities in Nature for boys to be creatively aggressive. Rock climbing, white water rafting, hiking, canoeing, camping, tracking and Orienteering are a few. Competitive games and Marshal Arts can also be very useful. Being accompanied by men who are committed to supporting the vital energy of boys is critical.
*Interrupting perpetration of violence as a response to feeling victimized- Boys often feel shame when they feel victimized. They decide that they don’t have what it takes in order to be a real guy. Acting from anger and revenge are typical compensations for feeling shame. Boys need to be trained to be shamelessly honest about feeling victimized. The key is to have an acknowledged and accepted option to talk about feeling victimized rather than isolating. A workable alternative is for the establishment of a group composed of students and adults who gather regularly. Peers should include the perpetrator, the victim, as well as the adults in both the victim’s and the perpetrator’s families. The assembled would decide what consequences the perpetrator must face in order to be accountable for his behavior. They would also decide what measures will be taken in order to support the victim’s safety. Representatives of the total group would meet periodically in order to confirm that decisions regarding the perpetrator and the victim were be properly implemented.
*Raising consciousness about subtle expressions of violence– Parents becoming aware of the use of bullying, sarcasm, ridicule, shame and exclusion at home is extremely important. Violent video game time can be added to the list. Boys do not typically step out of homes and churches founded upon compassion, empathy and tolerance to mowing down their classmates with automatic weapons.
*Mentoring and Ritual Initiations– Authentic Initiations inform boys, in an embodied way, what childish attitudes and behaviors are not welcomed in the community of adult males. Genuine Initiations also point to important edges of maturation: how to listen, how to be accountable, how to be sexual, how to be collaborative, how to identify personal strengths and develop them, how to responsibly express emotions and build self-esteem. Boys need to hear the stories of men, stories of defeat, close calls and triumph.
We have failed to adequately teach boys what to do with the vital force of their spirits. We need to see their violence as heralding an important message about their need to belong to authentic community led by men. We need to see their violent acts as a distortion about what to do when feeling victimized without jeopardizing their maleness. We need to understand their violence as a compensation for feeling impotent. Ultimately, we need to hold ourselves responsible for rebuilding some semblance of real community, committing to a covenant to support the vital force of boys.
